The Clusterfuck

Everything about Elle that may quite possibly be everywhere else.


Must. Learn. Snake Hips!  (Though my version won’t be half as impressive as Tom Hiddleston’s.)

This stuff happens.

So I’m on the phone today with a crazy person, of course.  Now, when a crazy person calls you crazy, it’s like a whole other plateau of wtf?

He tells me that he’s a proud Negro.  Not one of them black people or so called African Americans.  He also says that he’s a naval officer and if his matters aren’t resolved this instant, he is going to the Supreme Court and Congress about his faulty outlet.

So the back story here is that his bedroom burned up.  Clearly not from any exciting activity as I so wanted it to be so I can wonder just what level of crazy anyone who would sleep with this guy would be on….but it was a fire started from an apparently faulty outlet.  Despite him telling me that it wasn’t working correctly and sparks would constantly shoot out of it, he had stuff plugged into it.  He stated that the fire department declared that a picture had fallen off the wall above his bed, the glass shattered, severed an electrical cord and started the fire.  They then called the wrong insurance company and they declared it pinched wires and then the right insurance company somehow went with all these statements and decided they were not going to pay this crazy dude.

So he stated that this was Racism at it’s highest and that it was a conspiracy and they just wanted to persecute high ranking Negros like him to try and bring down the government from within.

All this, without me saying a word other than, “Okay,” and “Oh really”….went on for over twenty minutes.

I finally said, after he took a breath, clearly winded, that “This is the wrong department.  We take claims.  You will have to speak to the main office during business hours since they were now closed.”

He then said he was going to buy himself a nice suit and drive down to the main insurance office and sleep in front of their doors until they gave him money.

Good luck crazy dude.  Good luck.

P.S.  He sounded like he was James Earl Jones.  Maybe he was incognito.

Don’t we all need tacos?

Don’t we all need tacos?


Should I keep it or ditch the profile?  I’m really sick of them showing me gangsta latino men with six kids and a beer belly baby on the way, talking about how much they love sports and shawties and hangin’ wit der peeps with their pants hanging down beneath their ball sacks and how their main goal in life is trickin’ out their fly ride……and thinking we’re somehow a fantastic match!

I could keep it for the occasional chuckle though.

PORN!  (Well it said to upload a photo of myself but I’d rather not, so I figured I’d offer up the next best thing.)

PORN!  (Well it said to upload a photo of myself but I’d rather not, so I figured I’d offer up the next best thing.)

My Home Security System

Home Security Systems keeps calling here.  I want them to stop.  I don’t need home security.  My home is secure because it is filled with broken, clawed, useless crap no one else wants but me.  My most valuable stuff comes from Ikea!  Plus there are four cats in this house that make good speed bumps.